The Big Squeeze

The girls and I had a lunchtime date today.  This was not your usual soup, salad and gossip type outing.  It was time for my annual mammogram.  This was probably my ninth or tenth test, but it never gets less painful or embarrassing.  The girls no longer stand at attention like good soldiers, so they have to be hoisted onto the machine by the technician. I am then placed in several contortionist positions in order to get the best view of the twins, “righty and lefty.”  Who came up with this idea? I am pretty sure it was man.

We, the women of the world, should unite and develop some kind of test where the “man parts” (also referred to as their second brain), are tossed onto a cold, metal plate and flattened out like pancakes.  I am pretty sure that there would be some kind of uprising or coup!  They would not tolerate “the boys” being handled in such an inhumane way. They would become sympathetic to our cause. Newer technologies would be developed so that their mothers, wives, sisters and daughters would not be subjected to the humiliation of the mammogram.

Until then, ladies please be sure to schedule your annual or bi-annual  mammogram if you are 40 or older. If there is a history of breast cancer in your family, or if you have other risk factors, you should consult with your doctor about the right protocol for you.  Do it for the girls!

Hair, Hair Everywhere

It’s that time of the year again.  No, not Lent, St. Patty’s Day, Spring or Easter.  It is shedding time at our house.  We have a yellow Lab. She sloughs off hair 24/7.  During the warm months of the year, I have her shaved, but for the remaining three-to-four months, I let her keep her warm, insulating coat. I have not shaved her since November, and the hair is EVERYWHERE-on the furniture, the floors, the window treatments,the beds, our clothes. The air duct vents are on the floor in our house, so when the furnace is running, it enables the hair to fly through the air and land in places I will probably never find until we empty out the house for a move.

I do have to say that she is such a pretty girl with her soft, cream-colored outerwear, and she so prefers her au-naturale state.  I swear that when I pick her up from the groomer after a good shearing, she actually pouts.  I don’t blame her. I would be miffed too if someone made me an appointment at a salon and I came out looking like Sinead O’Connor.

A shout out to all you brunettes and redheads out there.  If you are thinking about changing up your look a bit, stop by my house for a visit.  We’ll sit on the sofa, drink a cup of Joe and catch up.  By the time you leave, you’ll be a blond!

The Cheerleader

My eleven-year old son has become my greatest supporter of this attempt at a writing blog. Last night, he helped me print my current posts so that I could save them in a special binder.  (The closest they will probably come to being “bound,” as in a real book or magazine.)  Tonight, he helped me snap photos of the dog for a future entry. He suggested that I keep the camera in my purse to capture future “Kodak moments.”  He believes that if I keep on writing and snapping impromptu photos, I will secure a position at a newspaper.  He even wants to go on-line and research starting salaries for newspaper reporters.  (I don’t have the heart to tell him that sadly the newspaper is slowly becoming a dinosaur.  An unfortunate victim of the times. And, more importantly, that there a tons of talented writers vying for any few remaining jobs that MIGHT become available.)

I am amused that the child is cheering on the parent.  It is supposed to be the other way around.

UPDATE: Junior did go on-line and ended up on Craig’s List researching job openings for writers.  I used to believe that he would someday become an architect or engineer.  I now think that the title “agent” may be in his future……….

Good Dog

My late husband had been a longtime admirer of the canine breed, the Rottweiler.  He loved big dogs and especially liked the strong, stout physique of this particular breed.  We discussed getting a new puppy, but I had my doubts about bringing home a Rottie.  (I had seen news reports of Rottweilers attacking children and adults.) I do believe, though, that there are no bad dogs, just bad owners.

Late in the summer of 1995, we brought Fritz home.  (I got to pick the name, which was in honor of his German heritage and my mom’s half-brother, a true animal lover.)  For the next ten plus years, life would not be the same. The thing about big dogs is that they don’t stay little very long.  Fritz quickly grew into a 110-pound, slobbering, eating machine. He was quite destructive around the house, and he liked to play rough. When his rowdy play began to include “humping,” he was sent off to the vet’s office for the old “snip, snip.”

He was just nine months old when he started vomiting frequently.  A veterinary specialist diagnosed him with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  The treatment of choice was a change in diet and a drug called, Prednisone.  We now had a Rottweiler on steroids!

He was the center of our universe, our only “child” until our human offspring was born in 1998.  The day after our son came home from the hospital, Fritz bit my mom. Her injuries were not severe, but she did require a trip to the ER and her hands had to remain bandaged for days.  We were responsible for this scary behavior from our pet.  He had become the “alpha” and we were his faithful servants.  One cannot raise a huge, powerful breed like a Rottweiler as some kind of doll or toy.  The owner must be in control-always.  Instead of putting him down, which we did contemplate, we signed him up him for obedience school.  Our lessons were private, and we worked one-on-one with him for weeks, as we re-introduced ourselves as the boss.  He never bit anyone again-ever.

Fritz literally went from puppy-hood to elder statesman in a matter of about three years. Once his destructive, rebellious toddler and teen years had ended, he morphed into a lazy lump. He rarely greeted any of us at the door when we returned home.  He would just swing his head over the side of the couch and acknowledge that you had finally remembered where you lived.  He loved EVERYONE. He never barked when someone came to the door.  His stub would just wag, and he would beg to be petted.  He was oblivious to other dogs, especially those little yippy ones with the small man complex, who would shriek at him and even nip at his legs. He loved to go on walks, but we had a difference of opinion about the pace of these outings.  He preferred to stop and smell the roses, or the grass or some other dog’s rear end. I was out to break a sweat and get the old heart rate up.  He always won.

Over the years, I grew to love that gentle giant like no other dog before. (I will write more about past dogs I have loved another time.) When my husband was alive, Fritz was truly his dog.  They were as tight as a human and a canine can be.  It was Fritz who was bedside with my husband when he passed away.  In the days leading up to my husband’s death, I had spoken with our veterinarian about Fritz possibly having a flare-up of his IBS.  Sure enough, within hours of my husband’s last breath, I heard the familiar churning of Fritz’s stomach.  I had to increase his Prednisone dosage to help him cope with his grief.

My son and I had Fritz to ourselves for five years.  Our bond only deepened during that time.  I am thinking about Fritz today, because this week is the third anniversary of his death.  His ashes have remained on a shelf in a small white box provided by the pet cemetery.  I have thought about sprinkling them over my husband’s grave or releasing them into the wind at a park nearby, but I have done none of the above.  I have kept him at home, close to us.

Food For Thought

I am a vegetarian.  This is an unlikely lifestyle choice for me, as I am a descendant of a long line of German butchers, and my own father was one of the founders/owner of a local sausage company.  I made the decision to eliminate meat, poultry and fish from my diet over 30 years ago.  This decision was based solely on trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

As a child, I did not really enjoy many of the animal-based meals I was served in my VERY carnivorous household.  I often spat out my meat into a napkin to throw away after dinner.  Later, when we got a dog, I just fed her my unwanted scraps under the table.  During my senior year in high school, my father had two heart attacks, almost back-to-back.  A dietitian came to our home to teach the family healthy meal alternatives, which focused on less fat and sodium in the diet. I took this nutrition education seriously and decided that now was the time to “go vegetarian.” (My sister, a devoted carnivore at that time, took a different direction with our new-found nutrition knowledge.  She actually became a registered dietitian.)

As I have matured over the years, my vegetarianism has evolved from its original status as a healthier diet plan, to a more spiritual and environment-friendly focus. I never try to convert anyone to the “veggie side”, but I do believe that an occasional meatless meal can be a healthier, often less expensive alternative to the meat, chicken, fish menu.  Just food for thought!

A Potential Foodie in the House

My son does not like fruit.  Once he was past the Gerber baby food stage, he pretty much quit eating the stuff.  (He will eat an occasional banana and watermelon, when it’s in season.)  He does like vegetables, though, and not just the starchy, lower-in-nutrition ones, like corn and potatoes.  He eats healthy ones like broccoli and cauliflower, and even the yucky one, spinach.  In fact, when he was just a little guy, he ate so many jars of carrots and sweet potatoes, his skin actually turned orange.  (There is an actual medical term for this, but it currently escapes my memory. I will call it “pumpkin-itis.”)

I recently started buying orange juice again.  This was my attempt to get junior to at least drink some fruit. Surprisingly, he now likes a little glass of OJ with his breakfast.  Today, he even said to me, “Mom, the next time you go to the store, will you buy a few oranges?  If I like orange juice, I will probably like oranges, too.”

I remember a few years ago, our pediatrician reminded my son to give foods a second, or third, or tenth chance, because his tastes will change. I think that my little boy is growing up and his taste buds are, too!

A Tekkie is Hatching

I am pretty sure that I was the last person on this planet to get a microwave, and most likely the second-to-last to get a cell phone.  I am SCARED TO DEATH of technology and tend to stay away from it whenever possible, which is hard to do in this century.  Up until just a few years ago, the most I could do with a computer was turn it on and manipulate the mouse thingy.  I have come a long way.  This week alone, I started my own writing blog (that still cracks me up when I say it out loud or write it down), and I just used the self-scan machine at the grocery store (the clerk did have to help me).  I did this ALL IN ONE WEEK!  I am pretty sure that either Microsoft or NASA will be calling soon, begging me to come work for them.  But just for the record, I still refuse to learn how to text message on my phone. I prefer the sound of the human voice. LOL

Life 101

My friends are leaving town tomorrow and heading to a famous cancer center where the Mr. will be undergoing a bone marrow transplant.  As I spoke with them today, I was reminded about the many people I know (and lots more that I don’t) who are dealing with REALLY heavy issues.  This includes friends and acquaintances with diseases like Cancer and ALS, or other folks who are out of work and trying to reinvent themselves.  As hard as these “lessons” may be for everyone involved, they are our opportunities for personal growth.  If you show up for class and do the homework, you will be rewarded with an “A”  in the course called “Life.”  You may learn things about yourself (and often others) that you did not know and you will, in all likelihood, be a better, stronger person because of this experience.

I am grateful that I am having a reprieve from the trauma and drama that have dominated my life, and that of my family, for the better part of a decade. However, I do not want to forget that many others are experiencing their own kind of personal hell as we speak.  You are in my thoughts, and I send you lots of love wrapped in positive, healing energy.

Bedside Reading

I love to read AND write.  Are most writers readers?  Which came first? The chicken or the egg?  The cart or the horse? Reading or writing? Whatever!

In honor of the recent Academy Awards, I give you my nominees for favorite authors:

Category: FICTION   The nominees are:

Pat Conroy for Beach Music

Nelson DeMille for The Gold Coast

John Irving for Cider House Rules

Wally Lamb for She’s Come Undone

Mitch Albom for the five people you meet in heaven

If I had to pick a winner in this category, it would probably be Pat Conroy.  In my next lifetime, I want to write like him.

Category: NON-FICTION   The nominees are:

Mitch Albom for Tuesdays with Morrie

John Grogan for Marley & Me

Dan Shapiro for Mom’s Marijuana

Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley for Final Gifts

Randy Pausch for The Last Lecture

The winners in this category for me are Mitch Albom and Randy Pausch. Their books contain life lessons that all of us can learn from and be inspired by.  (They probably belong in the “spiritual category”.)

Category: SPIRITUAL   The nominees are:

Debbie Shapiro for The Bodymind Workbook (This is required reading in the Religion of Joan.)

Neale Donald Walsch for his series Conversations with God

Louise Hay for You Can Heal Your Life

Eckhart Tolle for The Power of Now

James Van Praagh for Reaching to Heaven

There are no losers in this group.  They are all winners.

Let me know what books are on your nightstand.  I am always looking for a new, can’t-put-it-down read!





A Big Nod for the iPOD

I think that the iPOD just may be the third greatest invention of the 20th AND 21st centuries.  (Under-wire bras and Diet Coke claim first and second places, respectively.)  I love the whole concept of the iPOD-its compact design, its easy portability, the immense amount of music it is capable of housing, yada, yada, yada.

Have you ever heard the catchy ad for Capital One-“What’s In Your Wallet?”  I’ve got a great take on that-“What’s On Your iPOD?” I think the answer to that question just might say a lot about someone.  Here is a sample of what’s on my iPOD:

1. Bruce Springsteen. I LOVE Bruce Springsteen.  I have 21 Bruce songs on my Nano.  (No other artist or group has that many downloads. )

2. The vast majority of the artists listed in my library are African-American.  They include Prince, Babyface, Michael Jackson and little sis, Janet,  Luther Vandross, 50 Cent, Kanye West and many more. (I am an equal opportunity downloader.)

3. In addition to Rock, R&B and Hip Hop, my musical taste also includes Country.  (I may have just lost a few readers here.)  I dig the song, “I Love This Bar by Toby Keith and I don’t even drink!

4.  I am into some of the new, younger, hip sounds from Coldplay, John Mayer and Mat Kearney. (Pretty cool for a woman of a “certain age!”)

5. I like strong, feisty women who sing.  Think Pink and Joan Jett.   (Love Ms. Jett’s first name!)

6. Of course, no REAL list would be complete without classic rock. I like to rock out to The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith,  ZZ Top, Steve Miller and The Beatles, to name a few.  Have I mentioned The Boss, Bruce Springsteen????

7. Last, but not least, are two of my favorite songs and the artists who sing them.  (These are the ones my family can play at my memorial service as people file past my casket and look over poster boards splattered with old photos.) They are, “What A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong and “Imagine” by John Lennon.

After reading the above summary of my iPOD library, one might conclude the following about the keeper of this device:

The owner is female (hint #1-Luther Vandross).  She is middle-aged (hint #2-The Rolling Stones).  She might be a lesbian OR she just has really short hair (hint #3-Feisty Female Rock Stars).  She lived in Texas for 21 years (hint #4-She likes country), but was originally from somewhere in the Midwest or Northeast (hint#5-That New Jersey rocker, Bruce Springsteen).  Lastly, her father was a devotee of Glenn Miller, Dixieland bands and Jazz, and blasted this music on the turntable every Sunday morning (hint #6-Louis Armstrong).

What’s on your iPOD, or more importantly, what does your iPOD say about you?