Here we are-Week 35 and the beginning of my eighth month as a subscriber to an online dating site. Even I could not predict that I would last this long. (My first attempt at this lasted a mere two months.) I do believe that this blog has assisted with my commitment to this process. I have not written this much IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, and for that I am grateful. I did manage to read more profiles than in past weeks, so here is my recap:
I did receive one email and one flirtatious comment from interested fellas, but chose not to respond to either one. I think they both were “window shoppers.” ( I spoke about such bachelors in last week’s post.) Our profiles did not really have anything in common, and one guy’s profile contained the silly age parameters that I so often speak about. He is a 50-year old local chap who is looking for women aged 40-45. He wrote a sort of rambling email, where he mentioned his divorce, two daughters, occupation, and other things I frankly don’t remember. He told me that I need to change the “5” in my age to a “3” since he believes that I don’t look as old as the number of candles on my cake. Hey, flattery USUALLY gets you everything, but not in this case. I do, however, wish him well in his search.
The 58-year old flirt did have a good age range for females (46-60), but he used the word “attractive” in his profile. Just like spelling and grammar, I often harp on the fact that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Tell me that you are a good person, loyal, faithful, honest, hard-working, fun-loving, monogamous, a giver, financially secure, in good health, etc., but do NOT tell me that you are attractive. I can figure out that on my own, and it is about SO much more than looks! See, climbing out of her box is helping Joan realize that physical appearance is only the housing for the whole package.
One 53-year old Don Juan wants his matches to know that he has the “libido of a 21-year old, but is NOT on here for sex.” I will go out on a limb here and say that he could be a spokesperson for Viagra. Apparently, the little pills are working! Also, it is refreshing to learn that there is at least one guy on my site who isn’t JLTGL (Just Looking To Get Laid.) I have heard about the JLTGL’s, and did cross paths with one recently. This prompted me to update my own profile with this line: “If you are looking to casually date women, I am probably not the one for you. I am looking for a long-term, committed relationship, hopefully my last one.” It is my intention to no longer become a blip on the JLTGL’s radar!
At least three of my matches had funny self-descriptions in their profiles. I will list them in no particular order, and hopefully, you will find them just as amusing as I did. The first said, “I do have all my own teeth and I wear shoes even though I am from (insert name of a southern state.) I have never been arrested. My date had better have a sense of humor also.”
The second one said, “I am not big on the camping thing, but would enjoy boating or maybe even fishing as long as it is not dirty or smells bad.” Here is my take on this. I have been fishing once or twice in my pre-vegetarian life and it is ALWAYS dirty (think slippery, slimy worms as bait) and it ALWAYS smells bad. Stick with boating. It is usually just a drunken way to stay cool and get wet!
The third comedian wannabe said, “I do have all the basics-don’t live with mom, have my own place, car, job, brush my teeth, etc.” Sure he sounds good and stable but is he a “JLTGL?????” That answer should be included with the “basics.” I’m just sayin!
Two of my potential matches had a deal breaker in their list of “favorite things.” They both named their favorite types of music and then said, “No rap allowed,” or “Absolutely no rap in the car or at home.” Dang! I actually enjoy some rap, and often have it turned up REAL loud in my car where I sing and dance (while driving….) I think I might just experience symptoms of withdrawal if Flo Rida, Pit Bull, Usher and others were named a forbidden substance. How else can I get my gangsta on????
And, last but not least, I do have a winner in the “favorite photo” category. One quite cute, 48-year old, home state dude took a photo of himself in the bathroom mirror. (Apparently, he did not read an earlier post of mine nixing this practice.) In the background of the photo, I could plainly see a photo of a pin-up girl, nicely framed and hanging on the wall. WTF???? Well, That is Fantastic (and a bit weird for a middle-aged guy.) That type of photo seems more appropriate as wall art in the bedroom of a teen-aged, pimple-faced boy who just happens to be one big raging hormone!
Well, that is a wrap of Week 35. It is the last official weekend of summer, even though technically the season is still with us for a few more weeks. I hope your summer was a good one. I am looking forward to wearing jeans and jackets, and having the windows of my home wide open. I can just taste the cool, crispness of Fall. Bring it on!