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About jfh48

Joan has entered a new chapter in life. She is using her newfound gift of time to hone her writing skills. In 2019, she self-published her first book, a memoir. Carried By a Feather is the story of Joan's family and the tragedy that befalls two members. The book won second place in The BookFest Spring 2023 awards in the personal memoir category. Joan will continue to journal all of life's twists and turns, the good with the bad. These jottings are for her eyes only. There is LOTS to write about! The written word is powerful, healing and worth sharing.

A Thank You Note to a Virus

Manifesting the End of Coronavirus. This was the title and subject of a video I watched earlier this week. The gist of the message can be summed up in four words:

What we resist persists.

During this time of isolation and physical distancing, we need to remain focused on the positive. I’d never dismiss the seriousness of this situation—people becoming ill, people dying, the loss of jobs, and more—yet we need to accept and embrace where we are and be patient as this ever-changing scenario unfolds.

In an effort to make peace with our current state of affairs, I suggest writing a note to COVID-19, thanking it for the lessons you’ve learned thus far, and the ways you intend to make permanent changes or shifts in the way you think and live going forward.

Here’s a sample template:

Dear Coronavirus,

In the smattering of days since you found your way into our country, our homes, and our communities, I’ve learned so much about myself, my life, and my priorities. I’ve also become aware of the plethora of things I’ve taken for granted. I’d like to thank you for showing up as my teacher, and I’m grateful for my front row seat in your classroom. Your lessons are necessary and important and are providing me with awareness and opportunity.

Here are a few things I’ve learned so far, and the new plans and goals I have for the future:

INSERT YOUR LIST

I’m choosing to live my life one day at a time, allowing things to unfold without fear, negativity, judgment, and impatience. I’m also doing my best to remain hopeful, optimistic, and focused, and I choose to be kind, empathetic, and sincere in everything I think, do, and say.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

With love,

John’s Words

If you’ve been following along this week, most of what I’ve written have been my words, my views. Today, I want to share the voice of someone else. In 1971, the song, “Imagine,” was released. It was co-written by John Lennon and wife, Yoko Ono. In 2011, Rolling Stone magazine named it the third-greatest song of all time. It’s number one for me and has been for some time.

Here we are, nearly 50 years later, and we’ve yet to manifest the things John sang and dreamed about. It’s not too late. We can do this.

Just imagine what the world would be like if we did?

“Imagine”

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today
 
 
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you
 
 
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
 
 
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you
 
 
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
 
 
 
Here’s a link to the audio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOgFZfRVaww
 

How Did We Get Here?

Like quicksand under our feet, we’ve been sinking into a dark, dank abyss. Many have drawn attention to this slow, yet steady slide, but their cries for help have mostly been ignored, even dismissed. How did we get here? The list is lengthy…

A lack of common courtesy and respect

The fracturing of our two-party system

Inability to disconnect from devices

Shrinking of the middle class

Improper care of the elderly

Dismissal of climate change

Living beyond our means

Ageism in the workplace

Unaffordable healthcare

Lack of a living wage

Overcrowded prisons

Unhealthy lifestyles

Mental health crisis

Displaced veterans

Frivolous lawsuits

Human trafficking

Animal extinction

Harried lifestyles

Opioid epidemic

Corporate greed

Unemployment

Mass shootings

Discrimination

Homelessness

Pay inequality

Working poor

Animal abuse

Hate crimes

Materialism

Hurricanes

Tornadoes

Wildfires

Addiction

Pollution

Bullying

Drought

Poverty

Racism

Fraud

Virus

I’ve often pondered the questions, “What can I do? What can one person do?” The answer, I believe, lies within the lyrics, co-written in 1955 by the husband-wife team of Jill Jackson Miller and Sy Miller. (Thanks, Brian, for the reminder.)

“Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.”

We are at a critical juncture in time. Do we continue our downward spiral or do we grasp the lifeline and begin our ascent? I say we take this unprecedented opportunity to save ourselves, our planet, our creatures, our humanity.

We have the power to turn this around, and the time is now. Will you do your part?

 

 

Moving Forward

I’ve been aware for quite some time that our thoughts, words, and actions have wings. That is, everything we think, say, and do makes its way into our world, our consciousness. We need to be mindful, now more than ever, of this universal force.

There will come a time when our restrictions will be lifted. Businesses and schools will reopen, restaurants will have dine-in options, and grocery stores won’t be stripped bare of their wares. People will say, “I’ve gone back to work,” or “Things are returning to normal.”

I think we should refrain from using terms like “going back” or “returning to normal” as this dismisses much of the forward progress that’s taking place as we speak. We’re experiencing a new way of life, making use of time many of us have never had. People are creating and embracing new ways of engaging with their families, friends, and neighbors—family game night, spending time in nature walking, playing, or just sitting, singing from balconies, checking off to-do list items, using phones for chats not scrolling.

If we go back to our harried and often self-absorbed way of life, we’ve missed the lessons that have been placed right in front of us. What’s happening now is so much more than a virus. It’s a wakeup call. It’s an opportunity to restructure the way we live, reprioritize our daily agendas, and increase the time spent enjoying one another.

It’s our chance to do and be better.

Rahul Gandhi says it this way:

“It is the time to move ahead and bring the change.”

Gratitude

My message today is about adopting the “attitude of gratitude.” Merriam-Webster defines gratitude as “the state of being grateful: thankfulness.” If you aren’t a regular practitioner of expressing gratitude, now’s the perfect time to start! Instead of dwelling on what’s been taken away, put all of your time, energy, and focus into appreciating and being thankful for what you have.

I started a gratitude journal years ago when Oprah was preaching about it on her show. Over time, I fell out of practice. I returned to it last summer after reading Melody Beattie’s book, Make Miracles in Forty Days. There’s no right or wrong way to practice expressing gratitude. You can jot down a list in a notebook or journal, or simply take a few moments to make a mental note of the people, places, and/or things you’re grateful for. Try to come up with at least three items. (Ms. Beattie suggests ten.) Do what’s best for you—just take the time to do it. Oh, and this exercise can also be done with children, even fairly young ones.

I’m grateful for our connection, which enables me to share this unprecedented time with you. I’ll end with a quote from Zig Ziglar:

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

 

Planting the Seeds for Growth

We are currently living in unchartered territory. Our way of life has changed drastically, with little time for preparation. We’ve literally been turned upside down, which means our view has changed. What will you do with this new view?

We’ve been given the chance to restructure our lives, and these changes need not be temporary. They can last far beyond our current situation. I received an email this morning from Dean Graziosi and Tony Robbins. The message was delivered with perfect timing. I share the gist of it below and offer it as food for thought in relation to your own life and this opportunity we’ve been given. Yes, I call it an opportunity.

 

The truth is, I’m watching people all around me take two different paths…

Some are watching the news, scrolling social media or catching up on Netflix shows because they’re scared and can only either focus on the worst, or are trying to distract themselves. 

But when I look at my friends who have been successful over years and years no matter what situation comes up, you know what they’re doing?

They’re GROWING. 

Here’s the reality—those who don’t use this as a time of growth are actually self-selecting to be stuck and fall behind when this is over. 

 

And so, my friends, to borrow and bend the famous line from Mary Oliver’s poem:

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your opportunity for growth?

Love ya, mean it!

Choose Love

A few weeks ago, I had an idea to post something positive every day, a way to counteract the negative we’re constantly bombarded with. I was busy finishing up a writing class, so I pushed this project to the side. And then COVID-19 came to the United States, impacting our lives in an unprecedented way. These are uncertain times, no doubt, but we’ve been given an opportunity to make significant, constructive changes in the way we live our lives and to reconsider what we deem “important.”

We’re learning we can live, even thrive, without some of the things we once took for granted or considered a necessity. We’re also being reminded that our connection to one another is our top priority. We’re in this together, and together we can and will survive whatever comes our way.

I hope you’ll make the best use of your situation. If you’re at home, use the extra time to get caught up on chores, reading, movies, projects, your email inbox, etc. Use your phone to call and catch up with family and friends. Learn something new via YouTube videos, listen to podcasts, spend time outdoors, dig out old recipes and whip them up for dinner, dance to old CD’s, snuggle with your kids and pets. Many of us have been given the gift of time, so don’t waste it or poo poo it. Embrace it.

And one last thing. There are only two real emotions: LOVE and fear. The two cannot coexist. Period. Choose LOVE. Try to avoid using words like scary, frightening, and afraid. If you find yourself succumbing to fear, find your way back to LOVE. The Beatles summed it up best:

“All you need is love. Love is all you need.”

 

 

 

 

 

Reading Recap #7

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2019 was the Year of the Pig. For me, it was also the Year of the Book. I read sixty-one, a personal record, and found myself locked in a tie with my favorite bookworm, Nick B. I’m blessed and grateful to have the gift of time to pursue this lifelong passion. In addition to providing relaxation and escape, reading also influences my writing. I’m exposed to different styles and voices, and learn from writers who are more experienced, polished, and published. I posted my most recent titles below, but want to mention a question and answer found within one of the selections.

Robert “Robbie” de Villiers was just sixteen when he was diagnosed with leukemia. The year was 1944 and the survival rate was low. Robbie succumbed to the disease. In 1949, five years after Robbie’s passing, his family started a fundraising and education organization in their son’s name. This foundation, in existence for over seventy years, became the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. In the book containing Robbie’s writing, he opens with a question, “Have you ever considered what the mere ability to read means?” His reply—”Our education, our success in life, may depend on the books we read.”

Here is my list:

Fiction

  • The Uncoupling-Cauvery Madhavan I met the author on Twitter. Her book takes a peek inside an Indian arranged marriage.
  • the next person you meet in heaven-Mitch Albom This is the sequel to The Five People You Meet in Heaven
  • Where the Heart Is-Billie Letts After being abandoned in a Walmart parking lot, a pregnant teen takes up residence in the store. 
  • Sourdough-Robin Sloan This quirky, techie, story has a unique main character—a sourdough starter. (Thanks, Nan, for suggesting the last two titles.)

Memoir

  • Girl, Wash Your Face – Rachel Hollis This book could also fall under self-help.
  • Hello Nobody: Standing at the Door Alone—What To Do When Everything Changes – Janet Haney I met this local, self-published author at a book fair. Our journeys are eerily similar.
  • RAR. de Villiers- A Boy’s Philosophy: Writings of Robert A.R. de Villiers 1927-1944 A tribute addition from the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
  • Over The Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love – Jonathan Van Ness I’ve never watched the Netflix show, Queer Eye, so I was unfamiliar with the author. I always enjoy a glimpse into the life of another.
  • Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered -Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark This memoir tells the life story of the two authors, true crime fanatics and creators of the Podcast, My Favorite Murder. I highly recommend this selection to my favorite true crime fanatic, Laura Jean.

Self-Help

  • Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms: Who And What You See Before You Die – David Kessler This quick read (160 pages) is full of stories from hospice workers, doctors, nurses, and social workers and the deathbed visions they witness and hear about in their work with the dying. It reminded me of a longtime favorite book, Final Gifts.
  • Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief – David Kessler Mr. Kessler co-authored, On Grief and Grieving, with Elizabeth Kubler Ross, M.D., best known for her Five Stages of Grief theory.
  • The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family From a Lifetime of Clutter – Margareta Magnusson. I’m working on an essay about clutter, so this selection served as research for me.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope some of the titles resonate with you. If you have any suggestions for me, I’m always looking for my next read. Happy New Year. I hope it’s full of growth, joy, good health, and books!

Reading Recap #6

It’s been three months since I’ve posted a reading recap. I continue to devour books at a record pace, all thanks to the free time “retirement” provides. I’m grateful for the opportunity to continue to pursue this lifelong hobby. Reading is relaxing, cathartic, educational, enlightening, enriching, something you can do alone, and can be totally free thanks to libraries and book sharing with friends. My Goodreads tracking system says I’ve read fifty books this year, which is well above my modest goal of fifteen. Below is my list categorized by genre. If I feel a book is worthy of explanation or special recognition, it is noted. Books make a great holiday gift. Consider adding one or two to a stocking or tuck one under the tree—bow is optional.

FICTION

1. I Liked My Life-Abby Fabiaschi This book has a spiritual slant, which I enjoyed. There’s a quote in the book by real-life poet and essayist, Adrienne Rich, that’s become a favorite:

“If we could learn to learn from pain, even as it grasps us.…”

2. Mornings on Main-Jodi Thomas

3. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine-Gail Honeyman I loved this book! It’s funny, quirky, sad, tragic, but most of all, very well written.

EDUCATIONAL (NON-FICTION)

4. Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and The Drug Company That Addicted America-Beth Macy

This book should be required reading for all Americans. An eye-opening account of our current opioid/heroin epidemic and its origin. SPOILER ALERT: Corporate power and greed are outed. Kudos to Ms. Macy for sharing this behind-the-scenes look at how this crisis began, who created it, who enabled it, and what’s being done to combat it.

5. Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui: Free Yourself from Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Clutter Forever-Karen Kingston

I first read this book about fifteen years ago. I had to dig through old journals to locate the title. I reread it for research on an article I’ve started about clutter and its relation to EVERYTHING! If you are a New Year’s resolution type of person and think clutter is well, cluttering up your life, read this book between now and January 1 and get ready for a happier, more grounded you. Oh, and your home will be tidier, too.

6. The Last Ocean: A Journey Through Memory and Forgetting-Nicci Gerrard This book is about dementia and its impact on patients, caregivers, and family. Dementia, like cancer, will touch us all in some way.

7. Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives-Michael Newton, PhD. I would categorize this book as “spiritual/educational.” It was written a few decades ago, but its message remains relevant. An interesting read if you care to learn more about where we came from and where we’re going when we leave this planet.

8. Make Miracles in Forty Days– Melody Beattie

I finally read this gem recommended by a friend. The book is about gratitude and making time each day to jot down ten things you’re grateful for. You do this for forty days (or more) and watch as your miracle unfolds. I’ve reached the forty day mark, but found real change occurring just days into the practice. I plan to make it a daily habit, like brushing teeth. I highly recommend this book and its message.

9. The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith– Gabrielle Bernstein

In my book, Carried By a Feather, I briefly discuss the only two real emotions—love and fear. Fear is how many of us navigate life. If you can find a way to dismiss your ego and all of its negative self-talk, you’ll find your way to LOVE. Ms. Bernstein’s book reiterates this message.

MEMOIRS (My favorite and most populated category.)

10. Saturday Night Widows: The Adventures of Six Friends Remaking Their Lives– Becky Aikman

This book is about six strangers, gathered by the author, who come together once a month to share their experiences as they navigate widowhood.

11. maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, And a Mother’s Will To Survive– Stephanie Land

Ms. Land recants her tale as a single mom who worked as a maid to support herself and her daughter all while harboring a dream of relocating to Montana to pursue a college degree. She shares what it’s like to be poor in America, and how she ultimately dug her way out. I read it in a day.

12. Hungry Heart: Adventures in Life, Love, and Writing– Jennifer Weiner

13. It’s Okay to Laugh– Nora McInerny Purmort “Funny” isn’t the only f-word in this tale of life and loss.

14. Hot Young Widow’s Club– Nora McInerny

15. Good Mourning- Elizabeth Meyer A New York fashionista turned funeral planner. This sentence pretty much sums up the gist of the book. She’s a little braggy about her designer clothes and shoes, which does nothing to move the story forward. If you get past that, it’s an interesting read.

16. Calypso- David Sedaris. I recently had the pleasure of attending an evening with Mr. Sedaris. He’s hilarious, quirky, and a gifted writer. His books never disappoint.

17. Born to Run– Bruce Springsteen. I finally tackled this wordy memoir—754 pages in the Large Print version. I’ve been a devoted fan since the mid-70’s. I enjoyed and appreciated this peek into his life.

18. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love-Dani Shapiro

19. devotion: a memoir– Dani Shapiro

20. Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage- Dani Shapiro

Of the three memoirs by Ms. Shapiro, I enjoyed Inheritance the most. It also happens to be her most recent body of work and one that’s relevant to our culture’s current fascination with researching our roots. Thank you, Ancestry.com.

Twenty titles this go-around. There are sixty-four days left in the year. I think I can knock off at least ten more books before the ball drops on 2019. I’ll keep you posted.

Happy Reading!

Reading Recap #5

I set a goal to read fifteen books this year. At the time of this post, I’ve read twenty-eight. At this pace, I’m on track to add fifty books to my Goodreads tracking system when 2019 comes to a close. This would be an all-time record for me, and one that would put me hot on the heels of the king of bookworms, Nick B. Below is a list of the twenty-four books I’ve read since my last update. It includes fiction, memoirs, and a few “how-to” books. I’ve grouped the list by genre, and included a comment or two on a select few. Oh, and five stars (*****) indicates that I especially enjoyed it and therefore, highly recommend it.

Fiction

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo– Stieg Larsson

The Story of Arthur Truluv-Elizabeth Berg

Night of Miracles– Elizabeth Berg

The Couple Next Door– Shari Lapena

A Stranger in the House– Shari Lapena

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year Old Like a Skank-Celia Rivenbark

What Alice Forgot-Liane Moriarty

Nine Perfect Strangers-Liane Moriarty

Big Little Lies-Liane Moriarty

Memoirs

Dying To Be Me-Anita Moorjani *****

Lucky-Alice Sebold *****

Born A Crime-Trevor Noah *****

After Life: Answers From the Other Side-John Edward

Once More We Saw Stars-Jayson Greene ***** (The premise of this book is both sad and tragic, but the story is worth sharing. A beautiful tribute.)

All Over but the Shoutin’-Rick Bragg ***** (This is my favorite book on the list. Mr. Bragg is an exceptional writer. Like books I’ve read by Pat Conroy, I felt somewhat sad when I finished this one. I wanted more.)

No Happy Endings-Nora McInerny

The Afterlife of Billy Fingers: How My bad-Boy Brother Proved to Me There’s Life After Death-Annie Kagan ***** (I purchased this book when I couldn’t check it out at a local library. It now sits on a shelf with other spiritual books. It’s a keeper.)

The Unwinding of the Miracle: A Memoir of Life, Death, and Everything That Comes After-Julie Yip-Williams ***** (Spoiler Alert. If you google this title, you’ll learn that it does not have a happy ending. Don’t let that keep you from reading about the life, experiences, wisdom, insights, and lessons the author gained as she successfully navigated her way through life legally blind, and then later as a young wife and mother diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer.)

How-To

On Writing-Stephen King ***** (I own this book, and first read it about five years ago. I reread it while working on my forthcoming memoir. If you feel inclined to pen your own work of fiction or non-fiction, I encourage you to read Mr. King’s book. His advice is spot-on, and he’s actually funny, which is refreshing for me as his works of fiction are generally much too scary for me to read.)

Writing Down the Bones-Natalie Goldberg ***** (I’ve owned this book for years. This was the third time I read it. It contains valuable advice for any wannabe writers.)

Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything-Lucy Hone, PhD. (I’ve mostly shunned books about loss as I traverse my own journey of grief. In some ways, I feel like I could write my own grief guide. This book was given to me—a kind gesture from one grieving mother to another.)

Fraternity: An Inside look at a Year of College Boys Becoming Men-Alexandra Robbins ***** (This book is a must-read for any parent of college-bound kids, male or female. I found the stories and research contained within its pages disturbing and even somewhat horrific.)

Caregiving Elderly Parents: Real Stories From Two Caregiving Baby Boomers-Marky Olson and Dauna Easley ***** (This book was co-written by my friend and mentor, Dauna Easley. She and her long-time friend, Marky, share their experiences caring for aging parents.)

Online Marketing for Busy Authors: A Step-by-Step Guide-Fauzia Burke ***** (If you are planning on self-publishing a book, this guide is for you. It’s easy to read and full of useful information on how to market your book.)

I will soon add another book, Carried By a Feather, to this list. I’ve actually read the manuscript countless times, and am anxious to read it one more time in its final version. This is my debut memoir, and it’s coming soon………..