After nine months as an online dating subscriber, I have FINALLY figured out how to attract more potential mates.  First, inform your site that you will not be renewing your membership. Then announce to the universe via your blog that you are done with online dating.  Wait about three hours and watch the emails and flirtatious communications roll in.  I have been contacted by no less than six men this week-a personal record for me.  One fella, who I am still corresponding with, emailed me the same day that I made my announcement. I have traded a few emails with another interesting guy, and we will be speaking by phone this evening. I did have to channel my inner JLTGL radar on one local guy. He is one of the flirtatious communicators, and had a similar method of “cutting to the chase” that the last JLTGL used. Warning sirens and flashing lights were going off all around me. I both saw and heard them loudly and clearly. Not going down THAT road again. Learned. My. Lesson. In between reading and answering emails, I did manage to skim through several profiles this week.  Here are a few favorite excerpts:

One guy used the following as his tag line: “Lookingforwar591.” I thought online dating sites were for people “looking for love?” He must be confused. Maybe he was trying to Google one of those Civil War Reenactment websites and accidentally stumbled onto a dating site?  I’ll bet he wonders why there are so many women soldiers being sent his way!

Another 67-year old local guy used his age range to sneak in what he is REALLY looking for. He is seeking women aged 50-69. Normally, I would applaud him for willingness to date women older than himself, but not this time. He should have just rounded up to 70. Then, he would have gotten a gold star.

One “NiceCleanFitGuy” (his tag line) wrote the following in his profile: “Hi, tired of creeps? Want a guy who is not interested in a booty call? A guy who has a stable career and good insurance?” I kind of like this guy. Who isn’t attracted to a nice, clean, fit guy-especially one with a good job and health insurance? Also, he has obviously heard about the creepy, JLTGL guys that are swarming all over this site, and wants you to know up front that he is NOT one of THEM. His use of the term “booty” also reminds me of the hip hop music that I love, along with KC and the Sunshine Band’s rendition of “Shake Your Booty.” Too bad I did not feel a physical connection to his photos.  Oh well, it has been a week of “so many men, so little time….”

Another 53-year old from a town nearby wants his potential matches to know that he “will try anything as long as it is mostly legal and doesn’t hurt anyone. NO SKY DIVING!” I am with him on the no sky diving policy and his belief that we should not harm one another. ( I would also toss in “animals” as something I would not want to hurt either.) I am curious as to what he considers “mostly legal?” Is there truly a gray area when it comes to things to do which are acceptable and within society’s laws and things that will get you tossed in jail? Anyway, he also wrote “I believe in God. He flys my plane.” Personally, I think we all come here with free will, which actually makes God a co-pilot and not the actual pilot. I believe that she is there to take over should you fall asleep at the wheel of your life, or become lost and require help getting back on the correct flight plan. I have witnessed this first hand!

That is just about it for this week. I must get back to the mundane chores and tasks that have consumed the majority of my day. (This was a welcome distraction from laundry and yard work.) I’ve also got to get mentally ready for my phone call. I am hopeful that all of my previous practice runs have prepared me well for my latest encounter with a potential mate. I really like him on paper.  I will leave you with yet another great mantra to add to your list. “I look through life’s windshield and not the rearview mirror.” Pretty cool, right? Here’s a tip: Make sure that you have used a little Windex on the glass to insure that you truly SEE what is right in front of you.