Online Dating-Week 31

It has been a busy weekend, so I am behind in my recaps for this week. Though I actually read very few profiles, the guys never fail to provide me with SOMETHING to write about. Here we go…..

One 54-year old took me back to time spent in Texas hanging out in a hole-in-the-wall bar in the Stockyards of Ft. Worth. This beer drinkin’, pool shootin’ West Texas stud said the following, “I am a hard-working country boy and I need the attention and contact that only a good woman can give.” I’ll bet when he finds her, she’ll be wearing cowboy boots and a hat, and can rope a calf, too.

Under the category, “Ridiculous Age Parameters,” one 48-year old from my very neighborhood wrote, “I’ve dated all ages, and prefer women between 27 and 35. Duh! What post-middle aged guy would NOT want some hot young thing 21 years his junior?

Another 50-year old from my hometown said, “I love kids and play hard with my son and often have other kids join us in balls-to-the wall fun!” Obviously, girls must NOT be included in this anatomically correct playtime. He also wants you to know that, “I wanna burn some serious carbs, am hooked on endorphins and am into turbo cuddling!” I like the references to carb burning and an endorphin high, but the cuddling part sounds kind of painful!

One 54-year old divorced, atheist who posted no photo said the following. “I haven’t had a meaningful job since retiring from the Army after being declared unfit for duty. I don’t have a social circle and don’t want to be thrust into one. I’d like to caravan around the country for a few years.” This fellow could definitely benefit from my profile writing advice. There are ways to mask the fact that you are a non-believing, under-employed, loner-qualities which are generally NOT associated with being a “chick magnet.” Contact me and we’ll work on it. No lies, just “embellishment.”

I did get to look at several photos  this week. Lots of guys take their own pics with their cell phones, often in front of the bathroom mirror. A guy this week was no exception. I could not help but notice the white, porcelain toilet behind him with the SEAT UP! While  he probably lives alone and it is just more convenient to leave the seat in its upright position, remember, when you hook that special lady, start putting the seat down. Also, have a friend take a few photos of you with a real camera. It will leave a better impression, and won’t showcase your bathroom habits. She can find that out later.

I could totally relate to one 51-year old who said the following, “I enjoy movies and would love to see more adult movies and less Disney.” Amen! I have seen enough animated films to last a lifetime. I am grateful that my son is old enough to go to the movies with his friends, and I am once again free to see chick flicks!

Lastly, Mr. S., a 50-year old local guy, had several items in his profile that just called out to me and NOT in a good way! He is “happy, intelligent, well-educated, stylish, sociable, attractive, caring and clean. I love music, arts, fashion, traveling, meeting people and all is beautiful. I go all out for the holidays, and usually blow a fuse during Christmas. I will go fishing with you if you want, but sorry, I don’t do worms. I like snorkeling, but am afraid to try scuba diving.” I have highlighted in red the items that I would encourage him to either eliminate or re-phrase. Here are some suggestions.  It is assumed that all of us are clean, so that statement seems redundant. I would leave it out. Also, I am a little nervous about men that are into “fashion.” Generally, these guys tend to be lacking in their full dose of testosterone. On the subject of fishing, I don’t do worms either, but I am girl! Boys are supposed to like slimy, crawly, creepy things, or so my son says. AND, how are you gonna hook anything if you don’t use bait?  Lastly, never admit that you are afraid of anything! Girls dig a guy who can protect them from evil, like a great white shark that takes a liking to her on a dive.

I hit the seven-month mark this week. Seven months and 31 posts and STILL no Mr. Right. I encourage him to show his face (soon) whether it is online or in my real life. How about within the next week or so? My 51st birthday is approaching, and I can’t possibly think of a better gift. There, my wish has been tossed out to the universe as I blow out the last of my candles……..

3 thoughts on “Online Dating-Week 31

      • Ha! I may have impeccable decorating taste, an eye for color and can chef up a storm, but at least there’s no mistaking what I want for dessert! :D)))

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