I did not read a lot of profiles this week, but the (chosen) few that I did, provided a fair amount of material.  Those bios, coupled with a flirtatious gesture and one email, confirm that there is a lot of nonsense and game-playing that goes on within these sites. Here are this week’s winners:

Under the heading, “Who has been the most influential person in your life?,” one gent wrote, “I don’t really have a most influential person. I pretty much figured out life by myself.” Really? You must be some kind of genius! You landed on a planet, inhabited by billions of people, of which you have probably crossed paths with at least a few thousand, and not ONE person had some kind of memorable impact on you? I, too, landed on this same planet, have crossed paths with a few thousand people to-date, have been influenced in ways large and small by many and I STILL HAVE NOT FIGURED OUT LIFE!

One “Dudeman” (the actual name he goes by on the dating site) acknowledges that he is short (5’7″). He apologizes for his lack of stature, and then says, “I am still hoping for my growth spurt. Maybe some day….” First of all, 5’7″ is not all that short, so I personally would not even mention it. We single women can actually read, and your height and body type are posted right on your profile. Secondly, never apologize for that which you cannot change. Self confidence is a turn-on for women. And remember, good things often do come in small packages!

One avid beach bum mentioned that he likes putting his toes in the sand with a special person. He wants you to write back if his profile sparked an interest, and then “Let’s see if we can put 20 toes in the sand. Wow! I really dig a guy who can count, especially to 20!

One 54 year-old fella had two things that caught my attention in his profile. The first was the age range of his matches. (This is often a telling portion of a profile.) He is looking for women ages 36-59. Now, let’s do some math here.  Mr. Old Fart will date a woman who is as young as 18 years his junior or merely four years his senior. I do give him credit for even considering women  older than him, (most men do not), but 18 years younger? Kind a creepy, Grandpa! He also mentions that IKEA is a good place to get to know someone. How is that? When I enter an IKEA, I am generally concerned that I will ever find my way out of the maze. I would find it difficult to “get to know someone” while I frantically wander in circles, searching for an exit as I hyperventilate into a brown paper bag!

A 53-year old mail carrier, who posted no less than 25 photos, wrote the majority of his profile with references to fairy tales. He covered Prince Charming, Cinderella, The Seven Dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretl, and The Beauty and the Beast, to name more than a few! While I desperately want to give him an “A” for effort and creativity, I can’t get past the fact that an aging, presumably heterosexual male wrote a fairy tale-based profile in an effort to attract grown women. I think his “grade” is just a great big question mark with a “Huh?” written beside it!

One Rambo wannabee (he actually posted a photo of himself dressed in camouflage with matching face paint) wrote in great length about hunting with his bow and arrow. He wants his readers to know that “I have hunted all around this great country, and the bounty is amazing.” I want him to know that for nearly six long and painful months, I have hunted all around this great country via online dating sites and the bounty is far less than amazing. In fact, it is down right ridiculous most of the time.

My flirtatious gesture was sent by a 32-year old local guy. His profile mentioned that he was looking for women ages 24-49, he has never been married but does have two children, he is into fitness and works at a local bank. He also wants his potential matches to know that “I enjoy shopping. The woman I am seeking has to love shopping. I can’t have a girl that will be annoyed with having to wait for me outside the stores.” Huh? I did NOT respond to him for a MULTITUDE of reasons. While he was quite attractive and physically fit, I can’t figure out if he is heterosexual, bisexual, metrosexual or just plain confused? Also, as mentioned earlier in this post, an 18-year age difference is just plain creepy when it comes to male-female relationships. It may appear as if someone is looking for a parent rather than a partner. (Just another letter “r” differentiates the two.) But mostly, I took a pass because I have learned after 25 weeks, that there is a fair amount of game-playing and scamming that goes on within these sites. Remember the very scientific stats that were mentioned in an earlier post? Merely 20% of singles (or supposed singles) on these sites are legit! The rest are frauds looking to take advantage of folks just lookin for love!

This brings me to an email sent by a supposed 50 year-old Brazilian native, currently residing in California. Despite the fact that his profile says that he is looking for women ages 37-45, he wrote to my 50-year old self. He said, “I am getting lots of messages from some freaks here. I am planning to cancel my subscription. Wanna chat by email (insert his personal email address)? Can you reply with some private pics if you’re up for it?”  The answer is NO! First of all, you obviously can’t read. I am five years older that your age range. Secondly, you are getting a lot of messages from “freaks” because you live in a state that is notorious for housing “freaks.” Perhaps, you are unaware of that well-known fact because you are not from here? (Brazil? That is a new one. Most scammers are from Russia or Africa. South America is a new one. It does have a certain sexy, daring, Latin flair to it. You get the “A” for creativity this week.) Thirdly, why so quick to begin chatting with me off the dating site? And why the request for “private pics?” Don’t you like any of  the four photos I have already posted? I did not fall for your scam, Mr. Brazil, but I am considering reporting you as a “concern” to the dating site. You folks really are kind of despicable and pathetic.

In an attempt to leave on a “lighter note,” one gent wrote, “I have been told that I am very funny. I know I crack myself up!” I don’t know if I am “very funny,” but I hope that this post at least made the corners of your mouth turn upward. See you next week! The official six-month mark.  UGH!