Online Dating-Week 24

I stuck to my vow of limited viewing this week. I checked my newest site only twice, mostly so I would have SOMETHING to write about. (There really was no “match” that seemed ultra interesting to me anyway.) My original site is really pulling out the big guns as my renewal date approaches.  As I have mentioned before, for the better part of three months, they have sent me many photoless guys from quite far away. All of a sudden, there is a bumper crop of local bachelors, all a perfect match for me! I think they are trying to convince me that they have more available hometown men, so that I will give them more of my money and another three months. No way! I am done. I suppose with one less site, there will be less material for this blog and potential book, but I am okay with that. I can still get plenty of silly tidbits from site number two, with the lengthy bios that guys write. Here are some snippets from this week:

One guy wrote, “I love dogs, especially Rottweilers.” Me too! I have had six dogs in my lifetime, and our Rottweiler was my favorite. (Shhh. Don’t tell my current Labrador Retriever that I just wrote that! She is already quite shy and lacking in self-esteem. Plus, she is currently wearing the “cone of shame” thanks to recent foot surgery, which is making her even more self-conscious.)

Another local gent mentioned his “best match story to-date.” Apparently, he met up with a woman who has “seen dead people.” Obviously, this was a deal breaker for him.  I wonder what he would think about me and my conversations with my late friend, Debbie? I don’t actually see her, but I do talk to her and believe that she can hear me. I am probably not a match for him either! This same guy also mentioned that he is a “pretty good dancer for a white guy.” I found this comment cute and kind of funny!

One fella found it necessary to inform his readers that “God has been very good to me.” Now, considering the life-altering events that occurred within my family in the past decade (cancer hit the family twice with one fatality, and a diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes for my then seven-year old son), one might presume that “God has been very bad to me. ” Not so. I think that God is very good to EVERYONE. Our human, ego-driven selves often misinterpret life challenges as punishment by a vengeful God, when they really are just opportunities for personal growth granted to us by a God that knows only love.

At least three men have mentioned that they like to shop. One guy specifically stated that he likes rifling through the racks at TJ Maxx. (This is one of my favorite stores, where I, too, can be found sifting through the aisles of clothes, shoes and kitschy home goodies.) Another guy mentioned that he especially likes shopping WITH women for clothes. I had to read that line twice to make sure that he did not say, “I like shopping FOR women’s clothes.” There is a HUGE difference!

Under favorite things, one guy wrote, “I got a Harley.” The latent grammar coach in me just had to correct this with, “I have a Harley, and I am pretty sure that Joan will NOT be going for a ride!”

My all time favorite quote this week came from a Bill Gates look-alike who spends most of his free time in Boy Scout related activities. Under “Most important thing I am looking for, ” he wrote, ” In general terms, a lady in public and passionate in the bedroom.” I recognize slightly altered plagiarism when I see it. I think the correct phrasing of this famous line is, ” I am looking for a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom, ” or something along those lines. Wow, boy scouts have really changed over the years! Perhaps, they finally figured out that all of that knot tying they learn comes in handy with the ladies hookers.

Thanks for reading along this week. Remember, I don’t write em, I just repeat em. I could NOT make this s_ _ _  up! (I have taken a no cussing vow again.)  Have a good weekend and an even better week. Summer officially begins on Tuesday. Funny thing, we never really had a spring in our neck of the woods!

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