Eleven weeks. Eleven matches. Zero prospects. Those are the numbers my friends. I was grateful for the low turnout as I am busy nursing an injured knee, however, since all ten fingers still work, I am able to summarize this week’s bachelors. Two of my matches made references to foods and beverages in their profiles. The first gent felt it important to share what kinds of beers he likes. While one would assume that due to my german heritage I would really dig a guy that enjoys his beer, I actually think that including this subject in your profile is a bit of a turnoff. Does this guy really have NOTHING else that he can share about himself other than his choice of alcoholic beverages? To him I say, try to dig a little deeper when drafting your profile. A second guy made two references to food in his profile. He wants you to know that he can’t live without “Tootsie Rolls” (#2 on his list) and “A perfectly grilled steak,” (#5 on his list). Under additional information I would like you to know he said, ” I REALLY like Tootsie Rolls.” I used to REALLY like Tootsie Rolls myself until I tossed one in, chomped on it, and broke a tooth. A visit to the dentist resulted in a crown and $1000.00 withdrawn from my bank account. Bye bye to Tootsie Rolls AND the dude from a neighboring state that “Can’t live without them.”
I have a few favorite quotes plucked from this week’s bios. Here they are in no particular order:
Under the heading, “What is the one thing that I wish more people would notice about me,” the good doctor answered, “That I am comfortable discussing pretty much anything under the sun.” To which I would ask, “Would you do the same in the shade, cuz I am trying to avoid the sun and its cancer-causing, wrinkle-inducing rays?”
Under the subject, “Who has been the most influential person in your life?”, one very devoted follower said, “Several Catholic priests.” I am pretty sure that very few Catholic priests are getting the “greatest mentor” nod these days, as way too many of them have been outed as pedophiles not teachers.
Another guy gave an honorable mention in the “most influential person category” to “My brother, the MENSA dude.” I really was not attracted to this particular guy based on his sports-oriented profile and his geographical location, but I would like to know if the MENSA dude is available and within my 300-mile radius?
Lest you think I would make little mention of men and their obsession with sports, I would like to share one fellow’s passion. He wants you to know that he “Loves to watch football” and adds, “What man doesn’t?” So there you have it. I am officially screwed. Apparently my attempt to find a mate who isn’t a sports junkie is a futile gesture. I guess I will have to learn to live by the saying, “If you can’t beat em, join em.” I will end this post now so I can flip on the TV and watch the endless telecasts of March Madness. I need to ice my knee anyway………