This week forty-nine men showed up as potential “matches” according to my provider. The first thing I would like to note is that there really are a lot of single people out there in cyber-space. In just two short weeks, I have been sent approximately 93 potential mates-quite an astonishing amount of available men! There is just one slight problem. The vast majority (99.9%) end up in my “archived” file. (In this case, “archived” is just a kind way of saying “deleted.”) This week, like week one, reiterated the fact that fifty-something males are not aging well in our society. (My sister reminded me that if you look closely while attending your high school reunion, the women look far better than the men. I have to agree, having attended three of my own such affairs.) Here is a recap of week two:
I received three matches this week with no photos attached. My service stresses that in order to be successful with their site, you must post photos, and more equals better. No photo attached says, “I am not attractive enough to let you see what I look like, but I REALLY do have a great personality.” Delete.
On the subject of photos, most men do post several, and in various venues. There were two pics that really took the prize this week:
Runner-up: One gentlemen posted a photo of his pet pig, Melwood. I am hoping that like me, he refrains from eating pork. It would not be cool to fry up a pound of bacon on Sunday morning with Melwood in the other room, snoring on the sofa. I’m just saying……..
1st Prize: In his scroll of photos, a match posted a picture of himself dressed in a black, floppy hat, red mid-length coat, skirt (okay-maybe it was a kilt), and black, knee-high boots. Could it possibly be Robin Hood, or a pirate, or a Three Musketeer (not to be confused with the chocolate bar)? I could not hit “archive” fast enough!
I noticed that a couple of men this week had no children, and quite possibly had never been married. Never married and you are in your fifties? Red flag! Delete.
This week also included some of the most memorable quotes/answers on the profile pages. Here are the winners:
One man listed his children (they are grown) as his SECOND passion in his life after his job. He also wrote extensively about his career in other sections. Sounds like a workaholic! Delete.
Another fellow wrote that his passion is horse racing. Sounds like Kenny Rogers and “The Gambler.” Delete.
One gent wrote that he is most passionate about (and I quote), “The origin and structure of the universe.” Much too intellectual (and probably b-o-r-i-n-g) for me. Delete.
One very honest soul wrote that he, “Stays active in a 12-step program to stay clean and sober.” Good for you, but not for me! Delete.
One wiseguy let his matches know that the First Thing People Notice About Me is that “I can be a smart@#$ on occasion.” I am looking for a smart (read intelligent) guy, but can do without the @#$ part. I don’t need a donkey. Delete.
One super catch listed “sex” as the number one thing he can’t live without, and also spends his leisure time “girl watching.” Double creepy! He belongs on Match.com. DELETE. (Note the capital letters here.)
The hands down, number one quote came from a scruffy, granola-eating type, who reminded me of Ted Kuzinski, the Uni-bomber. His profile was a rambling manifesto about his love of nature and the outdoors, and included this sentence under the category, “What is the first thing people notice about me?” His answer (and I wrote it down as to get it 100% correct), “That I carry my own weather with me.” Huh???? Was that a typo? Did he mean, “That I carry my own water with me?” It doesn’t really matter. Delete.
I do have to admit that there were a couple of good profiles this week, including a fellow exerciser that includes yoga in his fitness regimen (I like that!), and an attractive English professor. I did send an “Icebreaker” to bachelor number two, which means that I have now officially set myself up for possible rejection. Oh well, you’ve got to put yourself out there if you want to find love. I also traded a few emails with a potential match, but my woman’s intuition is telling me that we are not meant to be. I guess you really do have to kiss a few frogs in order to find your Prince. Or, as they say in the 21st century, “You have to hit “delete” on a lot of duds in order to find your Soul Mate. (I just made that one up!)
See you next week. Bet you can’t wait………
Love your blogging Joan! I’m with you on your journey to find Mr. Right!
I’m curious as to what you wrote on your own profile – anything creative, quirky, funny? Were there some really dumb questions? I guess you are looking for a vegetarian with hair and a job. Any other qualifications?
You are hilarious…I’m sure much more hilarious than the eHarmony experience itself! I’m so glad that you’ve kept your sense of humor intact so far; just let us know if you ever need to be rescued from a swamp of omg-I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this….
Hey Joan. I just feel sorry for the guy who ‘carries his own weather’. He must be frickin’ freezing carrying 6 inches of snow around town!!