I celebrated my 51st birthday this week. It arrived with much less fanfare than the big event of 2010, but I did receive some really great cards with kind words scribbled inside. I was also treated to the Texas version of the birthday song by two long-time friends and former co-workers. It was a good day. Now, I am merely a 50-something female looking for love on the internet. Isn’t peri-menopause enough punishment for a gal? Here are the best of the best from this week’s profiles:

One 51-year old local guy wrote the following: “I’m a divorced physician who happens to be too busy with practice and kids, looking for special lady with Beauty, brains and personality.” Add a few more words about sports and travel, and you have his bio in its entirety. I made note of two things in his profile. First, notice that the word “beauty” comes complete with a capital “B.” I believe that looks is a priority. Secondly, since he feels the need to mention that he is a doctor, perhaps he is relying on his profession and not his gift of writing to hook his lady?

Two fellows mentioned their love of food in their profiles. The first says, “I live to eat, although, I am eating better these days to live a full life.” Kudos to him for re-evaluating his eating habits. As my late husband used to say, “Do you live to eat, or eat to live?” (I choose number two.) The second gent said, “I am attractive but not beautiful or skinny. I struggle with my weight.” These two sentences sounded strangely feminine to me. Men do not generally use the term “skinny” when making references to their weight. I also do not think that either men or women should be making references to their own physical attributes in their profiles. This is the purpose of photos and other biographical information. Remember, “beauty” is in the eye of the beholder.

One 51-year old same state resident said, “I enjoy my career. I do not have to dread going to work.” He is also “not stuck on foods. ” He just tries to eat healthy. I don’t know why, but these comments struck me as kind of funny. I would definitely say that he “eats to live,” not vice versa like some of this week’s competition.

One bachelor listed “sexy shoes’ as one of his favorite things. I hope he is referring to footwear worn by females, and not shoes in his own collection. Just like the fellow I previously mentioned, “sexy shoes” and “skinny” are not terms generally associated with the manly man.

I had to don the English teacher hat AGAIN this week. Apparently, one home-grown guy missed the class on the proper use of the apostrophe. Here is his list of favorite “thing’s”: Sport’s, walk’s, movie’s, family night’s and adult night’s. He did all of that extra typing of apostrophes when all that was required was the “s.” Week after week, I am dragging out the red pen. I would actually  prefer to read profiles and not correct them. My writing device is running out of ink!

I will end this week with two old farts with humorously creepy age parameters. (By the way, both of them wrote to me! UGH!) The first, a 57-year old with “69” in his online user name (DOUBLE CREEPY), is seeking women 30-55. Not only is this misguided soul seeking women 27 years his junior, but like so many before him, he can’t date a woman his age. (Just an aside: A friend recently mentioned that he knows a woman who states outright in her profile that she does not want to be contacted by men with the number “69” written anywhere in their profile. I might just consider doing the same. YUCK!)

The second guy, a 62-year old local divorcee, is seeking women 42-59. Again, he is willing to rob the cradle and date his  daughter’s friends, but can’t possibly spend time with a woman his age, or even slightly older. Shame on you, Grandpa! This one does redeem himself somewhat with a quote contained within his profile: “The two of us together will be better than each of us alone.” Two points for a great line, but minus 20 for the creepiness factor. Total score: Negative 18!

I am grateful for ALL of the candles on my cake this week, and am hopeful that this next year will be full of  joy and laughter and meaningful encounters with fellow humans and maybe even a little love. Thanks for tagging along again this week!