The first half of this week was somewhat stressful and hectic. Over the weekend, my almost-85 year old mother was admitted to the hospital for a mild case of pneumonia AND a blood clot in her lung. (I took her to the ER on the Saturday before Mother’s Day, as she was experiencing difficulty breathing.) Needless to say, the day dedicated to moms was spent conferring with the hospital about her scans and lab work.  There was little room for celebration, but that can always be done on another day. As the work and school week quickly approached, one glance at the calendar reminded me that it is May and there is ALWAYS lots to do involving my son. Monday started off with an all-day tennis tournament, then saxophone lessons, then a one-and-a-half hour trombone concert. Tuesday and Wednesday brought more music-oriented, after school activities. In between work and chauffeuring, I headed to the hospital for a quick check on mom. Hump Day finally brought some good news. First, my mom got released to the skilled nursing facility where she lives for a few days of rehab designed to rebuild her strength and stamina. Secondly, this aging mom (me) got a flirtatious communication from a 40-year old Texas hottie on one of the dating sites. The week was definitely turning around! I am also grateful that I had an opportunity to read a lot of nicely written profiles. (I would not have had a lot of time to jot down the silly things guys say in their self-advertisements, anyway.) There are just a few quotes that made it into my notebook this week.

First, there were two interesting notations that had to do with occupation or income. One guy listed his income level at $150,000 plus. He was looking for a female that listed her salary range at $150,000 plus as well. My question is, are there really a lot of women out there earning those types of salaries, but more importantly, are they also on online dating websites?? They have the ability to skip all of the nonsense and frustration that goes along with this process because they have the means with which to BUY A MAN if they are so inclined. The second comment was embedded in a lengthy profile written by a local guy. His list of “wants” in his woman required that she be employed. I thought this was kind of funny, but valid. If women expect a potential match to have a job (and this woman does), men should be entitled to the same requirement. They must be ever-vigilant in sniffing out the gold digger, or worse yet, the bankrupt, shopaholic, who recently foreclosed on her home and is lookin’ for a place to crash.

My very favorite passage is re-written here in its exact form: “I tend to be attracted to guys who are more outgoing and more social than I am, but that has not always been the case.” I read this more than once, and ruled out a typo for the word “guys.” (The keys are too far apart for the accidental misspelling of  “gals” or “girls.”) I think this is a classic case of the Freudian Slip. As I have done before, I would refer this gent to the homosexual online dating service, “Homolicious.”

One cute, British gentleman was very specific in the type of female he is hoping to hook up with: ” I don’t want the skinny thing either…..and this is why I prefer the soft and curvy models rather than the ones with sharp corners.” I am pretty sure that at least in the United States he will be successful in landing a “soft and curvy model.” There aren’t too many anorexic, “sharp-cornered” gals running lose, especially at this age.

A rather self-condident dude painted the following description of himself: “I am a fabulous catch……and good-looking, too.” Isn’t it up to the interviewer (me) to determine if you are good-looking AND a great catch? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and fishermen are a the best judges of a “great catch!”

Late in the week, I received the following email from a hometown bachelor: “Just wanted to drop you a line to tell you I think that you are cute and a great “catch” for someone. I’m most likely a little lazy and laid back for you, but wish you the best in your search.” He is probably correct in assuming we would not be a match. First, I am 100% German, and therefore allergic to “lazy.” Secondly, my hyper, Energizer Bunny personality runs over “laid back” like a Mack truck. I did write him back, thanking him for the kind words. It was greatly appreciated. It is yet another affirmation that there really are nice guys out there!

In closing, I leave you with a newly conjured up perspective on the whole dating process-online or not. I came up with a women-friendly analogy that looking for a mate is kind of like trying on jeans in a department store. (This could also work for swimwear, depending on the time of year.) You can try on a hundred pairs of jeans before you find the ONE pair that fits your waist, hips and butt, and DOESN’T MAKE YOU LOOK FAT! The mountain of discarded jeans strewn (in frustration) on the floor do not take it personally that you aren’t a match. They realize that someday, a gal will stroll in, choose them off the rack, and after a trip to the fitting room, will take THEM home! Good luck to all you jeans guys and gals out there searching for the perfect fit.