Joan's Jottings


9 + 1 = 10
May 22, 2018, 9:22 pm
Filed under: life

The birth of a child.  There is no other miraculous event in the life of a woman that has this much meaning attached to it.  From the moment the infant is placed into our arms seconds after birth, we the mothers are overcome with intense feelings of awe, joy and love, and a fierce need to protect this tiny human from harm.  As life moves forward and our love deepens, an often unfounded fear is also developing far within the recesses of our minds. We live with the remote possibility that one day this being could become seriously ill or injured, or possibly even die.

In my small world, I know nine (9) mothers who have buried a child.  Unlike a book or garden club, this is a group that no woman chooses to join.  In recent years, it had crossed my mind that it was somewhat odd that I am personally acquainted with so many women who have lost a child.  I now know why.  On March 6, 2018, I joined their club. It took me some time, but I have made contact with all nine mothers, many in person and a few via written correspondence.  Five (5) of the mothers live within my zip code, one (1) lives in the area, and three (3) reside in another state.  It is now vividly apparent that when our paths crossed some time ago, it was for this reason.  Connecting with them has provided me with a sense of empathy and understanding that only a card-carrying member of this group can fully comprehend.  They have shown me how to grieve with grace, and how to move towards acceptance and peace.

For one, the loss has spanned nearly two decades, but for many others, only a few years have slipped by.  The one common thread is that no matter how much physical time has transpired, the loss still hurts.  Tears are easily summoned when they speak about their child, and the hole that was carved into their heart remains.  The edges of this hole, once jagged and raw, have been somewhat smoothed over with the passing of time, but the hole itself is permanent.  I am honored to know these women, and am grateful for their friendship, love and support.  We are kindred spirits who share one of life’s toughest lessons.

Thank you Dauna, Debbie S., Debbie V., Dottie, Kelli, Kristi, Linda, Rita and Susan. 

Here are a few additional notes about our club:

Two (2) of us lost our only biological child.

There are 10 children who have passed, two (2) females and eight (8) males.

Five (5) of them died as the result of illness.

Five (5) of them died unexpectedly.

Their ages at the time of death range from the youngest at just seven (7) to the oldest, a mere twenty-two (22).

Their names and ages at the time of their passing are as follows-girls first and then boys in alphabetical order:

Kelsey  Age 16

Natalie  Age 18

Arun  Age 11

Blaine  Age 22

Brody  Age 7

Grey  Age 16

Isaac  Age 17

Mark H.  Age 20

Mark V.  Age 18

Tim  Age 19

9 + 1 = 10.  I Googled meanings of the number 10, as I am the 10th member of this club.  The number 10 is the symbol of love and light.  The 10th member of a group is always an old soul.  This is significant information for me, as it completely ties into my (finally) completed motivational speaking piece.  With each passing day, I am more convinced that this is my current life’s purpose: to share my family’s story and possibly enlighten others about the evidence of the perfection of the universe and all that is divine. I am ready to take my show on the road.  I already have one presentation scheduled for June 21st.  Stay tuned for more information…..And as always, thank you for reading.

P.S. While this post speaks about mothers who have lost children, I do not want to discount or ignore the fact that when a child passes, the loss is also deeply felt by the father, siblings, other family members and friends.  With Mother’s Day just nine days behind us, I chose to acknowledge moms only with this particular piece.

 

 


4 Comments so far
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Beautiful, my friend.

Comment by Jane Bretl

Thanks so much for reading! I know it was long…………I hope you have enjoyed time with both of your boys!

Comment by jfh48

Oh, how I wish this wasn’t a topic for you but I can see how healing it is. As I reflected on your words, I realized I could readily list eight moms who’ve lost children…and those are just the ones I know of. It’s a piercing reminder that the people around us every day have stories that reach far beyond what we see. Keep writing, Joan, and speak when you’re ready. I’ll be here to read, listen, and share the path with you.

Comment by Nan

Thank you Nan, my most faithful reader! I agree that far too many travel this road. It is sad, tragic and somewhat unimaginable, but it is life. We must make the most of it, learn our lessons, and hopefully find something positive, even in the dark moments. I also believe that we must strive everyday to get up and do the right thing. Thanks for reading, and congrats on your college graduate son and your world-traveler daughter. Fun times for your family!

Comment by jfh48




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